I came back from a work trip in Tokyo to a nation abuzz with news of the “personal indiscretions” of one of our Members of Parliament. Photos of the MP and his alleged lover who apparently is also married, were splashed all over the papers.

I was told by my friend, Peter Pan (his toy collection more than rivals my fashion one..), who is a lot more well informed about these things than I am, that much of the sympathy was reserved for the lady’s husband, whereas the man’s wife hardly got a mention. Peter Pan asked – “any views, Ms Blogger?”

I think the answer – or at least mine – is a simple albeit unpleasant one. A female adulterer is perceived as far worse than a male one, and thus her husband deserves far more sympathy than his wife. For the same crime. There is no logic to this of course. Our society has subconsciously attributed different weight/culpability to the same behavior depending on whether it is conducted by a man or woman. I can only surmise that sexism has something to do with this.

My sympathy goes to the children – on both sides. To see their parents’ photos splashed in the papers, unwilling participants of their parents’ drama and of what should have stayed strictly their drama. But unfortunately, one of them was a politician. There was speculation that it was her husband who broke the news. I don’t know if this is true but if so, then I’m inclined to think it was a mistake. Can the pain he suffers ever justify the pain he inadvertently unleashes on the kids, including his own?

Brings to mind Princess Diana. Years ago, she went on television to air her grievances over Prince Charles’ affair with then Camilla Parker Bowles. She famously said there were three of them in her marriage, and it was a bit crowded. A lot of ink was spilled on why she did what she did. Some thought she was brave (fighting against the establishment!), others, calculative (preemptive strike against the royal family!). My heart went out to Princes William and Harry. How would they feel?

A marital bond may not last, but the parental one lasts forever. The desire to destroy or hurt the partner you no longer love or who no longer loves you must, in my mind, be subsumed to your duty to your kids, to protect them from your own basic instincts for revenge. And this applies to both men and women.