I have been busy teaching. On Thursday and Friday, together with a colleague, I taught a class of 14 year olds career and financial management, about 3 hours each day. At the end of the second day, I was drier than straw, stickier than toffee and smellier than cheese.

It was hard work! Firstly, unlike the office which has Chocolate Lava Cake smothered in a blanket most days and topped up with gloves some, the classroom was sweltering. There were a couple of ceiling fans on full speed, but the temperature simply refused to budge. Secondly, addressing 29 kids who prefer to address each other whilst we address them, requires a massive projection of voice. The toll on our lungs was huge.
Finally, it proved impossible not to be a nag (tigress) when dealing with a classroom of teenage boys and girls. Somehow they have a shorter memory than my twenty somethings. Instructions were forgotten within 3 minutes?! By the end of it, I felt truly my age. All forty years of it. Just from nagging.

It’s funny how there are specific characters in each classroom which stay unchanged through time. I taught for 9 months in a secondary school before departing for Oxford. I saw the same characters those two days as I did then, which is not unexpected I guess given that a classroom is a microcosm of society after all. Let’s see. There’s the disrupter, the one who loves to ask smart ass questions to challenge the teacher, all the time. My favorite this time was “Teacher, why isn’t there a PhD for road sweeping?”. There’s the clown, whose aim it is to make the class laugh. And there’s the “in” crowd, i.e. the popular ones. I believe the au courant term for it is, well, “IT”. Not forgetting the studious lot, and the switched off few. I found myself mentally matching these new students with those I taught more than twenty years ago. Which character were you?

Straw, toffee and cheese aside, it was most satisfying. I am a member of The Firm’s charitable foundation and this is part of the activities. Idea was to equip these kids from less privileged backgrounds with information and knowledge on how to plan for their future. To encourage them to start thinking about what they want to do when they grow up, and what it takes to get there. To teach them about choices and consequences, so they will have a better shot at making more of their lives. I don’t know how much of what we taught would stick, but I know if there is just one of them who starts to think about his/her choices differently, it’ll be worth all the toffee and cheese in the world.

I have been involved in the charitable foundation for a number of years now. Most activities are about offering direct help – preparing or delivering meals for the under-privileged, raising money for charity organizations, etc. I must say teaching resonates most deeply with me. Don’t get me wrong, I do not doubt the value of direct help, but teaching goes to the heart of the issue, an issue that is close to my heart – to break poverty cycles, the most effective way is education, as my own experience has taught me. And education has to go both ways, to the kids, and to the parents. The goal of educating the kids is amongst others, to equip them with knowledge so they can make the most of their lives after leaving the cocoon of the school. In this, the school shoulders the bulk of the responsibility. Volunteers like us merely add a different perspective, one that is hopefully useful for having been honed by the “real world”. The goal of educating the parents on the other hand, is to encourage them to act responsibly so that they can give their children their best shot in life through provision of an education, the only way the entire family has a fighting chance of being lifted out of poverty. Here, given the lack of formal help, I’m inclined to think volunteers like us have a bigger role.

Today, also as part of the foundation’s activities, I gave a talk to about 50 parents from low income households, defined as those with less than $650 of monthly per capita income. Goal was to teach them concepts like budgeting and saving. It was a mix of parents from different age groups and ethnicities so I had to speak in both English and Chinese, without losing either group’s attention, which made it err… interesting. I encouraged them to see that they owe a duty to their family to be financially prudent so they can provide their kids with an education that will allow them their best shot in life. I also asked them to demand responsibility from their kids, that they have, in return for the sacrifices made for them, to do their best. I hope if there’s one thing they brought back with them today, this is it…

I was initially concerned that these parents would not relate to me, as someone from a different economic stratum. But my worries were unfounded, as they soon realized from the stories I shared, that I came from a similar background. At the end of the session, a few parents told me they had learnt something today. I have made hundreds of presentations in my career, but this was the most rewarding feedback I’ve ever received.

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And so, I’ve survived. The extra 2 kilos have, after some reassertion of discipline, shrunk to 1 (pat on both shoulders). The extra year will go nowhere but as I’ve seen for myself, it doesn’t kill me (hooray!).

I was asked about presents. I’m not big on presents. Don’t get me wrong, I love buying and giving presents. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays for that reason. I’m just not fussed about receiving them. Why? Maybe because growing up, I’ve never had them, so I don’t tend to expect them. As I mentioned, Mum and Dad didn’t do birthday parties. Nor were they into presents. Christmas was never celebrated as we are not Christians. As a child, I could only imagine what it was like to behold a beautifully wrapped box in anticipation of the mystery inside. It wasn’t a big disappointment or anything that I didn’t get one – no one in the family did and I got plenty of ang pows instead! – it was more a curiosity of what it might have been like. To have something tangible of my parents’ love, which I never doubted, but was never expressed in words, or gestures. I suspect this explains why I love giving presents. To recreate the sense of mystery that I missed, and to let someone know that a piece of my thought and care is wrapped in there.

Another reason I’m not into receiving presents is that buying one for me is apparently endlessly stressful. The common refrain is “what do you get for a woman who has everything?”. Well, I don’t obviously have everything, but yes, I emphathise with the conundrum. I guess presents can be a great way to meet a need, want or wish that is out of reach. But if you are financially self sufficient and generally sensible with your wishes (that’s me of course), they no longer serve that purpose. Instead, presents to me are more an expression of love. Hence I often say, it’s the thought that counts and I mean every word of it. I don’t need anything fanciful or expensive. A card made or written with thoughtfulness will make my day. I would much prefer that anytime to anything hastily bought, no matter how expensive (maybe I shouldn’t say this too soon!). Last year, Bro bought me a toaster for Christmas. A toaster! I love it, and greatly appreciate the thought behind it. Bro saw that Son loves toast and understood his sister would probably never get her act together to get a toaster.. I still remember the warmth I felt when I tore apart the beautiful paper and saw the mystery inside.

Of all people, Husband probably has it the toughest. God knows he has tried over the years. But alas, he has completely given up by now. I suspect his confidence was crushed the moment it dawned on him that I wore his first present to me, a vintage butterfly brooch he bought in London when we were dating, only once.. I tried to explain that it has to go with the outfit, but I don’t think he ever recovered. Happily, we have found a solution. It goes like this – I’ll buy whatever I want and depending on the time of the year, attribute it to him as a present for Valentine’s Day /birthday /anniversary /Christmas /Bonus Day, in that order. If I buy more than my due, which is a frequent occurrence, then it’s simply a present in advance. This is a bit short on the mystery factor but otherwise works like a charm, you ought to try it!

This year was special though. On the eve of my fortieth, he achieved the target he set for his business. This is probably his best present to me yet – a ride on his rainbow, exquisitely wrapped.

2 lunches, 2 dinners, 1 huge party and 2 extra kilos later, I am on the cusp of 40.

This is why you haven’t heard from me – I’ve been too busy eating. Let’s see. The two-week extravaganza started with an exquisite kaiseki at Hashida on May Day, for which I bought a most beautiful cornflower blue Gucci dress with dusky pink flowers (two of my favorite colors!), only for my friend, the journalist, to ask if I’d put on weight. That was before I started the endless feasting?! Let me set the record straight – it was the dress, not me. I know the cut adds some volume, but I love the fabric too much to give it up. Even the most clear minded fashionista has her blind spots.. I’ve always enjoyed kaiseki and have come to really like Hashida for it. The sake we imbibed wasn’t quite enough though so we headed back to raid Husband’s precious whiskey, whilst cranking up the music to crazy decibels. Bet you didn’t know we middle aged aunties had that in us.

And then there’s THAT party, inspired by Youngest Uncle. Everybody turned up and what a night! Aunt G, the peerless compere, and 60 looking like 45 (I’m so praying this runs in the family), started the night by reminding everyone that Ah Ma would have been the happiest person that evening. Which meant within ten minutes of the party starting, I was my predictable (according to Bro), teary self. Thank goodness for waterproof makeup. Everyone who can, and there are plenty in the family, performed. Singing and dancing. Youngest Uncle was in top form and wowed again with his vocal prowess. Husband, even though his talents lie elsewhere, gamely went on stage and massacred “We Are The Champions”. He was everyone’s favorite ang moh that night. Me? I did my signature Britney Spears and Bon Jovi, but it was the Hokkien songs from yesterdecades that I really wanted to do, for Mum and Dad. Bet again you didn’t know I had Hokkien songs in me.

Come to think of it, it’s been 28 years since I last had a birthday party. Mum and Dad are not into parties, and neither am I. Birthdays are usually celebrated with intimate meals. Had it not been for the chat that I had with Youngest Uncle over Chinese New Year, this one would not have happened. How glad I am that it did.

The modern Chinese that we had at Ritz Carlton was great but I much prefer what we had last evening, when I caught up with Peter Pan, Equally Fierce and a couple of other friends. Teochew porridge! The “atas” version that is, at Goodwood Park. I stuffed myself with salted eggs (one of my all-time favorite food!) and had a most unconventional “cake” – my favorite cream puff from Tampopo, complete with a single candle. It was magical.

And how could I forget my team? This afternoon, I took them to Catalunya for suckling pig and tapas. By this stage, any body conscious (err, fashion speak for “form fitting”) clothes a la the Roland Mouret red jumpsuit I wore to THAT party, no longer work. So a loose, flowing Paul & Joe it was.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not done eating. There’re one more dinner and two more lunches to come. So unfortunately, I’ll keep getting heavier. Those of you who know me know that I am, shall I say, very disciplined about my diet. But as Little Swallow reminded me, I’m surrounded by people who love me for who I am. She’s right, so what’s a bit of weight gain?

Middle Age, here I come, with 2 extra kilos of love, and happiness!

 

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I was asked by a reader, who tells me she reads this blog avidly (thank you so much!), about the rainbow I let go.

That was decades ago, and it was to be a dancer. Mum and Dad didn’t know anything about ballet and wouldn’t be able to afford classes in any case, so I took up Chinese dance instead at school when I was ten or so. I enjoyed it a lot, the beauty of its simplicity. Not that dancing is simple, but that there’s a simplicity to it, in being solely about one’s mind and body, and nothing else. That purity appealed to me, and still does. The mind distills what needs to be done, the body strives for perfection in executing it, for as long as it can until bodies do what they do, and refuse to cooperate anymore! Perhaps I started too late, or perhaps I just wasn’t talented enough. I realised a few years later that I could be good at it, perhaps even very good, but I could never be amongst the best. I did not want to spend my life pursuing good enough, and so I let that rainbow go.

My next rainbow as I mentioned was public service. To lead and serve for the greater and common good, inspired by the giants of history I so admire. But civil service requires a degree of conformity that I’m not sure I’m cut out for. And politics entails much compromising that I’m not sure I’m prepared for. You may ask if the rich findings at the end of that rainbow not be sufficient compensation. That’s perhaps the issue. I’m not convinced that my rainbow can be found only through politics and civil service. Those are two possible avenues. The most obvious, but by no means the only. As I said, I haven’t given up hope yet that I’ll figure it out someday!

In the meantime, I’m enjoying my work. Is that possible, I hear you wonder. Yes, if you’re challenged, and work serves a larger purpose beyond paying bills.

In “From Esprit to Kelly”, I explained that I wanted to work as soon as I could, to start contributing to the family. More than contributing, I wanted to secure the future of my parents, ensuring that they would never have to worry about finances ever again. The first twenty of my life, they provided for me. I shall do the same for them, for the rest of theirs.

Of course, there’s Son’s future to secure too. Though me being me, I’m not looking to provide for him for the rest of his life. That’s the biggest disservice we can do him, I think. His life must be his to make the best of. What we have to do is provide him with the best education possible, and the most opportunities conceivable. The rest is up to him. It has to be.

Securing the future of these three human beings whom I love so dearly is my larger purpose.

Ten years ago, I was hired to establish a new business unit in APAC for The Firm. There was no asset, no team, no nothing when I joined. But I relished the prospect of creating something, and watching it grow. In many ways, The Firm is the perfect balance between entrepreneurism and employment. I got to build something, whilst enjoying the security of a stable income. I jumped at the opportunity. Ten years on, I have a great team, as described in “What a team!” and a viable business. I’ve since progressed to a global role. A larger platform, greater responsibilities. There are many difficulties in managing a global business in transition as ours is, amidst the tough market environment we find ourselves in today. But therein lies the challenge, and it keeps me engaged, focused and excited.

There has to be a rainbow in something that stretches you, and serves a purpose beyond self, even if it’s not the most magical, no?