It has been a difficult few weeks at work. I’ve always believed that there are very few things that you cannot achieve if you want it bad enough, and try hard enough for it. Both of which depends on the mind. You’ll want something bad enough if you have clarity of the role it plays in the scheme of your life. And you’ll be able to try hard enough if your mind is strong enough, unbeatable by stress or setbacks. As such, I’ve always placed a huge emphasis on the mind, as I’m convinced every battle in life is won or lost there. Of course there are always limits. I can never be Muhammad Ali or Stephen Hawking no matter how hard I try, but most things in life do not require the insane physical or intellectual abilities of Ali’s and Hawking’s. Most things, and certainly those of a corporate nature, are a function of effort and drive, I think. Because of this belief, it’s quite difficult for me to be deterred. I’ll try or die trying. In recent times however, I’ve come to realize that the latter is more probable than I thought, because success in a large organization can never solely be based on individual effort and drive. I’d quite like to stay alive though, so is the answer that I concede defeat or that I try even harder?

Everyone of us is given a certain number of years on Earth, for us to spend whichever way we choose. We know however that there are really only two options in terms of the end destination – six feet under, or two thousand degrees within. So does it really matter whether we drift and cruise, or try and strive through it? I can see the cases for both but belong firmly to the second camp. 60 years – or more if I’m lucky – is really not a lot. I’m already two-third through.. I’m not hugely religious so don’t derive the meaning of this life from an eternal afterlife. To me, this life has its own meaning and that is the purpose we give it. Purpose can come in many forms – to serve your country a la LKY, to save mankind a la Elon Musk, to make your mother the happiest mother a la Shoko Kanazawa, to take care of your child a la Shoko’s mother. I’m simplifying it but you get the picture.

I want to take a small detour here. If you haven’t read about Shoko, please do. She’s a Japanese calligrapher with Down Syndrome. Her mother was racked by grief and guilt for having given birth to an imperfect child. Her father however decided that she was special and saw her gift in calligraphy. Her mother, a calligraphy teacher, eventually did too and devoted herself to teaching Shoko the art. Whilst Shoko may not always understand what she writes, she seems to understand her mother’s grief and practices hard, often accompanied by tears when she was a child, to make her happy. At a UN speech, Shoko said her mother was once the saddest mother on earth, but now she’s the happiest. Shoko’s father died when she was a teenager and her mother led her to believe that his soul had entered Shoko. This is why Shoko prays each time before she begins to write. I went to see her last weekend. She was immersed in the paper, ink and brush, trying to perfect each stroke. Her mother was focused on dabbing away the excess ink on the paper from her brush, to aid her achievement of perfection, that very Japanese concept and pursuit. It was a touching sight. Shoko and her mother’s devotion to each other and the art, each the other’s purpose in life.

Purposes don’t have to be grand. I don’t think Shoko and her mother’s purpose is any less than LKY’s or Elon Musk’s. Less in impact perhaps, but no less in value. I think it’s far worse not to have any purpose at all and just to drift through life, or to have one built on ultimately futile pursuits like wealth for its own sake.

Anyway, where was I?! Right, whether to die trying. As I explained in “Be myself”, I see who I am as a collective of all the roles I play. In terms of my relationships with others, I want to be the best I can be in each role, i.e., mother, partner, daughter, sister, friend, etc. In terms of my relationship with myself, I want to in the span of time given, discover who I can be, as defined by what I can do, what I can achieve, and what I can contribute. These two aspects, in summary, constitute my purpose.

Achievement is thus important to me, which is why I am the workaholic I am. It is however not about the size of my paycheck but what I am able to do. From managing a region to managing a global business, from solving smaller problems to solving bigger ones, from being a happy go lucky (actually have I ever been happy go lucky..?!) team member to intense firefighting leader. This progress of roles and responsibilities represents achievement to me. I want to give my all to see how far I can go. But alas, beyond a certain point, my all is not enough. In a large organization, you pretty much need everyone else to also give his or her all. Is that possible statistically? For so many people to share the same sense of urgency, and to be similarly motivated? And even if we achieve this statistical feat, there are also larger external forces at work, shaping the landscape in which we operate, that I cannot bend to my will no matter how strong that is. What is the appropriate response then? Accept that there can be honour in defeat or die trying? If you have any bright ideas, do share. In the meantime, please keep watching this blog. For if one day you stop hearing from me, it means I’ve died trying.

I was advised against writing pieces like “Shopping is hard work..!”, because of what people might think.

I suppose they might think I’m spoilt, superficial, snobbish, or worse, brainless. That consideration crossed my mind too, before I posted that piece. But it was quickly subdued. I shared frequently and openly in this blog that growing up, my family didn’t have much, and how we struggled through my childhood in a kampong and adolescence in a HDB. I’m not ashamed of my past – quite the contrary, I’m proud of how we have come as a family – and I don’t want to be ashamed of my present either, even if it’s one that involves Alaia and Gucci.

There is an irony though, as I’ve indeed been a lot more comfortable talking about my past than my present, because it is far easier to be judgemental about a woman who shops at Harrods and Harvey Nicks, than one who struggled to change her and her family’s life through hard work and determination. Even if it’s the same person. I know that. Which is why all these years, I avoided discussing my fashion choices with anyone apart from Husband and occasionally my closest of friends. It just seemed easier. But turning 40 has changed something in me. I feel a tad more liberated, to just be myself, even if a part of that self suggests frivolity and may invite ridicule. Age has also brought about more wisdom and strength, such that I now have a higher conviction of my own views, than ever before.

Everyone of us plays a variety of roles. A parent, spouse, child, sibling, friend, mentor, subordinate, superior, colleague, citizen, human kind, and finally, self. We are, each one of us, a collective of all of these roles we play. They define who we are, as a complete person. Whether we have lived a worthy life, and been the person we want to be, in large part depends on how we have played each of those roles to the extent they apply. This is not an easy topic but I’m inclined to think only you, and the person in that relationship with you, really has the right ultimately to judge you in that role. Are you a good mother? What makes a good mother? To me, that is for you and your kid(s) to decide. Not society or social media which as we know is not short on self-proclaimed experts and judges. Who by the way, don’t even know you or your child. Likewise, whether you are a good friend to your friends is for you and them to decide, and reciprocate with each other. It is quite a different matter from the number of likes you get on Facebook.

And then there’s your duty to and relationship with yourself. Who but you can hold yourself accountable to that? Have you lived your life the way you set out to? Chased your rainbows? Loved how you wanted to? Given your best shot with the time on Earth you’ve been given? In your role as a citizen of your country and the world, have you tried to make a difference? To give back, or to pay forward in whichever manner suits you? If you have, in the way you want, then that’s all there is to it and it really doesn’t matter what others think.

Everyone else can have an opinion (and most won’t hesitate to offer it!) on each of these roles that make you whole, but that’s really just that – an opinion. And not the most valuable one if you ask me, unless of course you actually value it. The most interesting bit? You can play each of these roles that define you as badly or as well as you do, whether you’re wearing H&M or Hermes.

Therein lies the point, no? Our choices and actions define us, not the clothes we wear or handbags we carry. Otherwise life will be too easy. Me? I know what I want to give of myself to, and what I want out of each role that I play. And I want to be myself whilst playing it. That self, according to a wise colleague, is a socialist in Jimmy Choos.

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