I was advised against writing pieces like “Shopping is hard work..!”, because of what people might think.

I suppose they might think I’m spoilt, superficial, snobbish, or worse, brainless. That consideration crossed my mind too, before I posted that piece. But it was quickly subdued. I shared frequently and openly in this blog that growing up, my family didn’t have much, and how we struggled through my childhood in a kampong and adolescence in a HDB. I’m not ashamed of my past – quite the contrary, I’m proud of how we have come as a family – and I don’t want to be ashamed of my present either, even if it’s one that involves Alaia and Gucci.

There is an irony though, as I’ve indeed been a lot more comfortable talking about my past than my present, because it is far easier to be judgemental about a woman who shops at Harrods and Harvey Nicks, than one who struggled to change her and her family’s life through hard work and determination. Even if it’s the same person. I know that. Which is why all these years, I avoided discussing my fashion choices with anyone apart from Husband and occasionally my closest of friends. It just seemed easier. But turning 40 has changed something in me. I feel a tad more liberated, to just be myself, even if a part of that self suggests frivolity and may invite ridicule. Age has also brought about more wisdom and strength, such that I now have a higher conviction of my own views, than ever before.

Everyone of us plays a variety of roles. A parent, spouse, child, sibling, friend, mentor, subordinate, superior, colleague, citizen, human kind, and finally, self. We are, each one of us, a collective of all of these roles we play. They define who we are, as a complete person. Whether we have lived a worthy life, and been the person we want to be, in large part depends on how we have played each of those roles to the extent they apply. This is not an easy topic but I’m inclined to think only you, and the person in that relationship with you, really has the right ultimately to judge you in that role. Are you a good mother? What makes a good mother? To me, that is for you and your kid(s) to decide. Not society or social media which as we know is not short on self-proclaimed experts and judges. Who by the way, don’t even know you or your child. Likewise, whether you are a good friend to your friends is for you and them to decide, and reciprocate with each other. It is quite a different matter from the number of likes you get on Facebook.

And then there’s your duty to and relationship with yourself. Who but you can hold yourself accountable to that? Have you lived your life the way you set out to? Chased your rainbows? Loved how you wanted to? Given your best shot with the time on Earth you’ve been given? In your role as a citizen of your country and the world, have you tried to make a difference? To give back, or to pay forward in whichever manner suits you? If you have, in the way you want, then that’s all there is to it and it really doesn’t matter what others think.

Everyone else can have an opinion (and most won’t hesitate to offer it!) on each of these roles that make you whole, but that’s really just that – an opinion. And not the most valuable one if you ask me, unless of course you actually value it. The most interesting bit? You can play each of these roles that define you as badly or as well as you do, whether you’re wearing H&M or Hermes.

Therein lies the point, no? Our choices and actions define us, not the clothes we wear or handbags we carry. Otherwise life will be too easy. Me? I know what I want to give of myself to, and what I want out of each role that I play. And I want to be myself whilst playing it. That self, according to a wise colleague, is a socialist in Jimmy Choos.

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