In what one person chooses to highlight about another, you learn a lot about the former.

On the first day of CNY, Youngest Uncle told me stories about my beloved Ah Ma (maternal grandmother) which involved in one instance, Eldest Uncle, and in the other, Dad.

My Ah Ma had a tough life. Her husband was irresponsible and abusive. Abandoned to raise 8 kids on her own for a period of 8 years when my grandfather disappeared without a trace, she tried all ways and means, as many women of that time did, to raise her family. One of these was being a tonkin leader. As I understand, tonkin is like a private micro finance network. The members form a cooperative of sorts, funding the club with their own savings, and any member can borrow those funds, at an interest rate he/she bids for. As the leader, Ah Ma ran the club and was the safe keeper of those funds. As the story went, one of the members absconded with the money after borrowing it. Left with no means to make the other club members whole, Ah Ma panicked and went into hiding. At around this time, Eldest Uncle struck the lottery. First prize! A princely sum of $11,000. No one knew and he didn’t have to, but he used the money to repay the tonkin club, thus allowing Ah Ma to come home. It is the one and only time Eldest Uncle has ever struck the lottery. For this act of generosity towards the family, Youngest Uncle has remained grateful since. He asked of Benjamin, his son, that should Eldest Uncle survive him, Benjamin bears the responsibility of taking care of Eldest Uncle.

Ah Ma’s life improved when her children grew up and could help support the family. She was adored by her children and grandchildren alike. It’s been 26 years since she left us, but I still remember clearly how she looked, how she dressed, and how she would cook my favourite soy sauce pork whenever I visited. Life was not kind to Ah Ma, as she contracted kidney disease in her later years. My uncles and aunts were not rich by any measure. In fact, most of them struggled to make ends meet, especially the elder ones who did not have the opportunity of a proper education. They started working as soon as they physically could, in order to help Ah Ma support the family. Mum barely finished primary school. I’ve often thought what a terrible shame it was, that she didn’t have the opportunities that I had, the opportunities that she and Dad worked so hard to give me and Bro. I have no doubt that given her intelligence and diligence, she would have gone very far in life. Anyway, I digress.. Ah Ma’s dialysis expense was an additional burden to her children, but everyone chipped in where they could, including Mum, who worked. Dad offered to share in that cost. He didn’t have to, not least because Mum was already a contributor, but he wanted to. He wanted to do his part for Ah Ma. Youngest Uncle said to me, for that act of kindness, he would forever respect Dad.

I’ve always known Dad to be a kind and generous person, and Eldest Uncle to be a loving and responsible son. What I hadn’t known, until that day, was the bigness of Youngest Uncle’s heart, where respect does not arise from wealth or achievements, but generosity and kindness. Where gratitude translates to duty where it is thus translatable. I teared…

A burning desire welled up in my heart to do something for Youngest Uncle, so I asked him what his wish was. He said it was to have all the family members gathered together for a nice meal. And to have everyone sing or otherwise perform on stage, as my talented uncles and aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews are wont to do.

I know now what to do for my birthday this year.