The issue of drugs came up this morning as the team was gearing up to welcome yet another day of hard but fulfilling work (!). I read something about the legalization of weed the other day in The Economist so the topic has been on and off my mind.

I lost Eldest Cousin to drugs, two years ago. Another cousin is losing his life to drugs, having spent the bulk of his adult years thus far in prison due to addiction problems. Eldest Cousin was a very handsome man. Whilst I was the puzzle of the family with my flat nose and wide forehead, he was the pride. He had everything going for him – he was tall and dark, with big doe eyes, and a high nose set against a chiseled face. He was also very bright and extremely charming. Everything going for him until he became acquainted with drugs, that is. I don’t know how it started, all I know was that he fell into some bad company in his youth and never got out of it. His life was hijacked before it even properly began.

Ah Ma loved Eldest Cousin deeply. Ah Ma loved everyone, but she worried most about Eldest Cousin, and Second Aunt, who is epileptic. As she was dying, Ah Ma asked of Mum – the strongest emotionally of her children – to take care of Second Aunt, and keep an eye out for Eldest Cousin. Mum being Mum, she took Ah Ma’s last wishes to heart. And Dad being Dad, he gave Mum his full support. And so, Eldest Cousin came to live with us in our HDB flat which was at a different part of the island, the hope being that the physical distance from his friends would help, and Mum could literally keep an eye on him. Dad hired Eldest Cousin to work in his factory, to keep him occupied and out of trouble. It was a difficult decision for Dad to take Eldest Cousin in, given the very real and ever present risk that he would lead Bro astray.. But his kindness and generosity prevailed.

Eldest Cousin did well for a while, but soon, he managed to get into the wrong company within our housing estate. It became impossible to control him. I no longer remember the details, but one day, Dad came home fuming. Eldest Cousin had thrown a tantrum at the factory and made a mess of it before storming off. Dad gave up on him, and eventually, Mum too. They both felt that they had done all they could and there was nothing more that could be done for him. His own parents gave up too. He broke their hearts. For the next two decades, Eldest Cousin faded out of our lives. I would receive news every now and then about his drug-related prison stints. Every piece of news that indicated that he might have turned over a new leaf – a job, getting married – was greeted with cheer and hope, but invariably, it turned into disappointment and despair. The last time I saw Eldest Cousin was at his wedding. I could no longer see the handsome man I remembered, behind the missing front teeth and hardened face.

And then the news came. I assumed it was an OD. We were told it was asphyxiation on his own vomit – he passed out the wrong way after drinking and taking pills. Before he was cremated, Eldest Uncle broke down. He asked Ah Ma to do something he felt he failed at – take care of Eldest Cousin, when they were reunited in the other world. Eldest Cousin’s ashes were spread into the sea. He is finally free.

Given my philosophy of life, I will always think that every person is responsible for his or her own life, ultimately. Because this is the only way to become stronger – blame others, and you will never help yourself. Eldest Cousin was given many chances for a fresh start, but he didn’t take them, not one of them. I don’t think however, that self-responsibility absolves society from the duty to protect the weak and the vulnerable. Drugs can never be eradicated, I’m afraid. Where there is demand, there is supply. Protection comes from education, so that kids from a young age understand the dangers of drugs and hopefully stay away from them if ever offered. It comes from forgiveness and support, so that people who made mistakes have a more than average chance of finding their feet again. One of the reasons Eldest Cousin kept falling into the same cycle was that he found it hard to reintegrate into society and seeking solace from his old circle seemed easier. Protection comes also from stemming the supply. Many have opined that Singapore is too harsh on drugs-related offences. I don’t think there can ever be a justification for making money out of destroying people’s lives. And if you have seen the sorrow in Eldest Uncle’s eyes, you will agree with me. Not everyone can be protected, I agree. Eldest Cousin may well be the best example of that. But in my mind, we as a society have to try to protect as many as we can.